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He was my first understanding of the term “infatuation.” He taught me what it meant to lose all sense of my young rationality and to be overcome by powerful yet innocent desire. He taught me what it meant to become completely taken in by admiration and flattery, to be utterly consumed by my own notion that of all the girls in the world, he saw something special in me. He taught me the pros and cons of becoming immersed in “the now”; to walk the streets and smash pumpkins after dark, to ride down steep hills in the cold, wind passing through my body and leaving it in the form of pure adrenaline. He taught me the comfort of burying myself in the hollow warmth of the sweater he lent me, blanketed by its unique smell of soap, cigarettes and boyish musk. He taught me what trouble was. He taught me how to nearly crumble under the weight of my parents’ suspicion as I told them white lies about what we’d been doing. He taught me what it meant to share the repercussions of his bad decisions, to selfishly sympathize with him when had to face their consequences because they would draw him away from me. He taught me what it meant to lose my self-worth, to be spineless, to become crippled with sadness when he apathetically destroyed every expectation I’d ever had for him, for the two of us. He showed me how it felt to be left hanging in every way, he showed me the world of difference between reality and my naive fantasies. He taught me that people are fickle and vain and that sometimes they will ignore you, your text messages and everything that you shared on grounds that you will never understand. He taught me, in the end, that I had the strength to move on.

Things he taught me x3 - Part 2 (via amethyszt)
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